Category Archives: Anger Management

Management styles

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For last one week I have been closely working with a person on finalization of our company’s annual report. Now this person has verbal diarrhoea and can’t stay mum for long. But he does talk sense most of the time, though his own names invariably crops up in each incident he describes. So coming to the point he discussed a lot about our seniors and our CEOs.

First he shared his views about my ex-boss, let us name him Shawn for this blog. So he commented how Shawn had mostly done liaisoning work all his life and knows only sucking up and buttering up. With people like him in CEO coterie, you can understand the value of these people and the working style of CEO. He guessed how Shawn would behave in tricky situations, and to my utter surprize, he was right. Actually I have a love-hate relationship with Shawn. He did a lot for making my work count and getting me visibility and expsoure, he even ensured I get a coveted award, but he did a lot of bad things with me also. He asked me to draft a charge-sheet that was intended to be issued to me (it did not happen luckily), he blamed me for things I did not do, he expects me to do his errands even now, he expects me to risk my relations with present boss, let us name her Hale. Now even I start doubting Shawn’s intentions of helping me, I at times think SHawn must be having some hidden selfish motive in doing that for me.

Okay, now to Hale, this guy described Hale also pretty well. He said- SHe might have taken 30 days to judge each of the team member and her future action would have been guided by that. If she feels you can be relied upon, you talk sense, then she will value your opinion. Because she has risen through the ranks, has done hard-core marketing, she understands constraints and timelines. She won’t expect you to do unreasonable. And this guy was right about her.

Then he shared his experience with another CEO. This CEO always asked these guys to do what they felt right. So in a case, when the controlling Ministry expected this guy to commit to an unrealistic deadline, this guy politely declined. The CEO had instructed them to always be polite and dignified in conveying their problems. The issue was escalated to CEO level, but CEO backed him up and the job was done in real-time. Basically this guy wanted to prove how back-up from top motivates you to do more.

While talking about another CEO, he said- Once I had gone with a file to him. CEO wanted to check if a particular point discussed with my senior had been included. Then he talked over phone to my senior, who assured it has been included. So CEO signed. Our guy, to impress CEO, tried to find the para, but could not. CEO said-no worries, I have signed. Our guy came out, found the para and went inside again. Now the CEO told him- There was no need of this. When your boss has assured it has been included, I believe him. I am not supposed to get into these things. And I trust you people, you won’t cheat me. In future, keep this in mind. Then onwards our guy always checked notes 2-3 times before getting sign, knowing that CEO relied on him.

For annual report, we also had to work with two other guys from a third department, This guy explained how these two guys had a tuning between them as team members. They covered each other’s faults and never fought with each other, to impress boss. He related one incident also as to how the mistake was hushed up and rectified at junior level, without going to CFO level. I nodded to him, but thought to myself that this was at the cost of organisation. Their camaraderie was for their selfish motives, not for company’s interest. But I kept mum. 

These two guys also shared their view on management style. They had a bitter experience with a third CEO. Actually I was trying to understand the concept of hedging from them. This reminded them of a past incident. A group of them was monitoring the currency fluctuations over a period of time, and recommended a particular time when the deal should be frozen to benefit from favourable exchange rate. Luckily their prediction was right. They were happy and thinking that management will appreciate their work, What happened instead was that the CEO called for all such dealings in last two months and asked them why these deals were not done in this manner. Such is the management in our company.

Okay, back to the first talkative guy. He was discussing about a past CEO, and I told him how CEO’s anger and tantrums were good for company as most people in public sector responded to fear. But this guy gave a logical argument, and I had to agree. He said the CEO behaved this way with everyone, it would have been better if he could assess who asked for the lecture and who did not. Besides, after some time everybody got used to his anger and ignored it or laughed at it. This percolated down to all levels and resulted in demotivation at all levels.

Then we also discussed how TAs and others reach at director level and start having unrealistic expectations and talk nonsense. 

He talked a lot more, but rest some other day.

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Critical feedback dialogue

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Lucky (The female junior, early 30s)- Sir, what happened to that job we discussed last week. How do we do it?

Sunny (the male boss, early 40s) – I remember telling you clearly that estimate had to be taken from agency and an approval note made.

Lucky- (in a plain tone) I don’t remember.

Sunny- (getting irritated)- Well, I remember exactly, and you even said- one agency is charging reasonably, so we can get it done from that agency.

Lucky- (same tone) I don’t remember

Sunny- (with fuse blown, but in a clenched-teeth voice)- I remember 500 % that I told you, it is a separate thing that both of us forgot after that and the job was not done, but this was discussed.

Lucky- Sir, what happened, I wanted to ask you…..

Sunny- Let us not get into that in the morning, we will discuss later.

Later in the evening, Sunny calls Lucky and asks diplomatically- yes you were saying something in the morning.

Lucky- Sir, for last one week, you have been behaving differently , so I wanted to ask you what happened?

Sunny- Okay, first things first. About today morning incident, you know I hate lairs, and when someone directly or indirectly implies that I am a liar, you can imagine my problem. So when you said in the morning- I don’t remember, you were implying that I am lying, so I did not like that. This you have done once or twice in the past too, but I did not say anything. But when you did it again today, I lost control.

Lucky maintained deliberate, intelligent silence  and let Sunny finish, she just kept nodding.

Sunny then added- As for last week’s changes, let me start from the beginning.

See, as a team leader, I feel that I go out of the way to give visibility, exposure and opportunities to my juniors. Sometimes I feel that it is at my own cost, but I still do it. Secondly, I have told you earlier that my funda is clear, if one of us can do a job, I will not insist on both of us wasting our time on that. So you or me will do that. So I always try to create a positive work environment. Lastly, I asked during your appraisal this year, are there things you don’t like about me, and asked this again 2-3 times, you did not say anything, So I presumed that you are okay with my working and management style. And since I went out of the way to create a good team culture, I expected you to reciprocate that by being a good team member.

Lucky- And yes I always tried that. As for feedback about you, when you did my appraisal, I had worked with you for 2 months only so I could not tell much. But what happened last week, that changed your behaviour, which was confusing to me.?

Sunny- (Realising that her logic about 2 months working is solid, went to next topic) Well, you see, it is really good that you asked. Otherwise I was thinking that I had made a wrong image about you. After last thursday, I had stopped giving any agency work to you, and to show my anger, I was doing all agency related work myself. But when you did not react, I was puzzled. I would not have tried to have shown my anger this way to other guys. I did it to you, because I thought you were a thinking person, well-read, and you would notice the difference. So when you did not say a word, and acted normal, I was confused as to how do I manage such a team member. Because your non-reaction could mean only two things.

One, I was wrong about your emotional quotient, and you were plain Jane,a dumbo, who could not notice the difference in my behaviour, or

Two, you notice but you did not bother about my mood, anger, or reaction.

In either case, it was problematic for me. So I was confused how to handle you as a manager.

But by asking now, you have solved part of the problem.

Lucky- No, I noticed it Monday only, and in the evening I asked my mom also, and she said wait for sometime, you will get to know, but when it continued on Tuesday, Wednesday also, I was like what the hell. I did not want to ask as I was afraid it might make you more angry.

Sunny- Okay, so last Thursday, both of us knew, next three days were off-days, and we might have to work on all three days. I asked you given a choice, which days you would like to come, and you replied very curtly- If I have to come, I don’t mind what days?

That made me very angry. Here was I, a senior, who could have dumped the whole three days on you, willing to share the load, and offering you first choice. I was being generous and a good boss in my mind. And what do I get in return, an attitude and almost disobedience.

Then you said, you had to go home urgently, and I said-use official car for going. You were hesitant, but I insisted saying that we invest our holidays and all, so we deserve this much. You said okay.

I did tell you, that come what may, do try to come back, which I thought to myself, was a bit harsh, but I did tell you later that you could avoid coming if situation demands.

Aniways, you went and took a lift from another person, sms’ed me. I was okay with that. But then I went to agency and sms’ed you to use official car if you decide to come back to office. You sent back sms 2 hours later- I have taken a taxi and I have come back.

That really pissed me off, so I decided then and there not to call you on next 3 days.

On Monday also, my anger did not subside, I did not want to make an issue of it, knowing that my anger will go away in 2 weeks, so I decided that I will do all agency-related work and keep mum. This I thought will convey my anger to you. I wanted to convey two things to you.

One, I am self-sufficient and can do the work on my own, if required. If I ask you to do the work, it’s because I want the whole team to work together.

Two, If I end up doing work on weekends, I can jolly well do the work on weekdays too.

Lucky- Sir, I did not mean to hurt you, my anger was directed at the other departments who were working slowly and spoiling our weekends. Though I get it that my words did not convey this. As for car, while going home, I got a lift, and since I had already taken a taxi from home for the personal work I had, and I had to pay him aniways, so I came back by taxi.

But you could have told all this to me on Monday, you know how these things disturb me.

Sunny- No but it was intentional and I wanted you to realise how angry I was.

Lucky- I get that, but now you owe me a coffee, and please please in future do tell me if I say something wrong.

Sunny- Okay, deal.

(This is a real conversation I had with my junior this week. Thought to write in a dialogue form to make it interesting reading)

What say??

Junior this!

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You can get a lot done, if you don’t mind who gets the credit, thus goes a quote. And I firmly believe in that on a day to day basis. Though I did have a conflict in my mind when I was assessed as not-the-best performer. So I can’t say I live by this quote 100 %. But to be frank, on a daily basis I act on it. However once or twice a year, when it affects my assessment, it hurts me but I come to terms with it soon enough and get on with my life.

So this junior who was feeling singled-out and shared that with me, who was feeling hurt by comments of a friend and shared. In both the cases, I took remedial measures, so that she does not feel singled-out and feel hurt. She reads a lot of books, talks sense most of the time, but last week she behaved very oddly.

We have been working on a publication for last one month. I have given her full liberty, exposure and visibility. So I was feeling good that we were working as a team. But when it came to a long weekend, when I asked her to share the load, and choose the days she wants to come, she said-If I have to come, I will come any day. Then same day, she also disobeyed me when she did not act on my advice to use office car for some urgent work, instead hired a taxi on her own. Same evening happy told, that she would tell something this junior said about me. All this made me very very angry.

So I worked on 2 full days on weekend and did not call her. Then I debated in mind if to tell her how upset I am. But then I remembered she is the same junior who had cried before others, when I corrected her draft and made a silly comment. So I decided that I will not say anything. But I was still not at peace. I kept on thinking, and found that her daughter was not well that day and I had insisted that she comes back to office. She might have disliked that, but what the hell.

So on Monday, I did not say anything to her. I kept myself under control though it was very difficult. I felt like making satirical comments or sharp taunts, but I kept mum. Strangely in that state of mind, I subconsciously took a decision that for this job, I will not send her to agency. If I have to work on weekends, I can very well work on weekdays too. She appeared to take it very casually. But somehow I am liking this sudden decision on my part. Though I know this will not work with all colleagues. But since she appears to be well-read and sensible, maybe she realises that she hurt me. Though there may be possibility that she would be carrying grudges against me, which I don’t know, but I don’t feel like asking happy right now.

Maybe in 3-4 days, my anger will cool down and things will be back to normal.

Let  us see.

Juniority

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You must have heard of seniority, so here is my version of the opposite behaviour viz. juniority.

Yesterday only, a junior team member had gone to another town for some official event. I was taking feedback from him on updates from time to time. So when the function was over, after an hour or so, this guy calls me up and says function went well and all. I said, okay and asked him to call up and tell the big boss also.  He replied- I have already done that, which irritated me. I did not say anything to him but was agitated a lot after the call. My reason was that he wanted to jump to the big boss first to grab the credit, and to ensure he is the first one to give the news, and he tells his reporting boss later. In other words, maybe he feared that he tells me first, I will go on jumping to the big boss and claim credit for the news. I thought to myself that he should have known better about me that I am not that sort, I told himself to tell the boss. So his over-smartness made me angry. I tried to give him benefit of doubt in my mind thinking that since boss was also monitoring parallely so there is no harm if he told the boss first. Or maybe boss only called him and he updated. But my anger did not fade away. So I almost decided that I will call him on next working day and tell that he should report things to me first and then to boss. Though there was a fear at the back of my mind that he would pass it on to boss. Well, after some time I mulled over how I behave as a junior. I realized that I also try to give important ideas and news updates to big boss first, and to reporting boss later. And my logic is that my reporting boss is a credit-grabber (which I think I am not, but seems people like this junior perceive me otherwise) and would ignore my contribution while mentioning this to big boss. So I revisited my earlier decision of telling this junior, and decided that I will instead change my attitude and let the juniors tell big boss first if they want to, and instead of saying-Tell big boss, I will just check-Hope you have told big boss. That way I will be able to cross-check if I need to tell the boss or tell the junior to intimate if he has not done already. Secondly, I will not get upset if junior replies-Yes, I have told already.

Second example of juniority also happened yesterday. Actually some very urgent time-bound job is going on and we have to work on three weekend holidays. Inspite of being the senior, I decided to be cooperative and asked my junior, what days would you prefer to come, and she replied- If I have to come, I don’t mind any day, and her tone was very edgy. Well, I was upset again. She is the person who has not been given any other major work, because she is engaged in this urgent job. She has not been asked to come on all three days as a junior. She is being given choice. But she still dares to get angry. Earlier last week also, when I had asked her to go to agency to supervise the ongoing job, she was reluctant saying we don’t have to do much, creative designer has to do it. Then I explained to her, how in an advertising agency designers work as a part of the pool and different client service executives try to get their work done first. So if a client is sitting on their head, the job gets done faster because designer can work on client’s job without being disturbed. If we are not there, and our client service executive is asked to spare the designer for a few hours, he can’t say no, because he has to work with those people daily, and has to ask for such help for himself at times. However, if a client is sitting there, they can’t do much about it. I saw it happening myself even yesterday also, when I went to the agency for supervision. She was not very convinced but went as if to oblige me. Now I feel like my politeness and softness is being taken for granted. And idiot me, I have decided to punish myself on these three days by not calling her at all. I know it will have no impact on her, she will rather enjoy and expect I do it every time.  Wify asked this morning why you are doing it all alone on holidays, no one else in your team. I did not tell her the whole story and gave bullshit that I have to go to office aniways for other jobs, so I will do it as well.  And I have this philosophy that if work has to be done on holidays there is no need for calling 2-3 people, when 1 person can do the job. So either I suffer, or a junior, family-time wise. That is why I gave her the choice but she acted pricey.

So that is juniority for you.

Emotional Judo by Daniel Goleman

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A project manager notices a draftsman struggling over a simple aspect of blueprint. The project deadline looms, and they are all under tremendous pressure. As she approaches her colleague, the project manager notices that her hands are clenched, her thoughts are fixed on angry feelings about the difficult deadline, and she feels frustrated because the draftsman is not further along.

She relaxes a bit and asks the draftsman-What’s going on, is something wrong? His response is a litany of frustrations of his own, about not having enough information to finish the drawing., about how much he was asked to do in so little time.

Sympathetic, the project manager asks more detailed questions about what he is up against. Her speech is lively, animated, her gaze direct. She lets him know she feels overwhelmed by the pressure, too.

Her line of questioning leads him to see that he actually has more inthought, and formation than he that he can, in fact, finish the drawaing. He is buoyed, eager again to get back to the task. The manager even makes a joke about how everyone was missing some data on this project, especially the vice president who had made such a crazy commitment in the first place. They both laugh and get on with the work at hand.

What did the project manager do that was so right? She was emotionally present at work. She was fully attentive and involved in her work. Such person perform their best. Others experience them as accessible and engaged, and they contribute their creative ideas, energy and intuitions fully.

Presence begins with self-awareness. Manager… was attuned to her feelings, her clenched hands cued her to the anger she was feeling about the situation. And her empathy made her receptive to picking up the draftsman’s sense of frustration without taking it as a reflection on herself. Her ability to be comfortable with these distressing feelings let her deal with them effectively rather than avoid them. Instead of dismissing draftsman’s frustration or preemptively criticizing his performance, she drew him out. And she was able to highlight information that transformed the frustration to enthusiasm, ending the encounter with a joke that put th  onus where they both felt it to be- an EMOTIONAL JUDO MOVE that tightened the bond between them.

When fully present, we are more attuned to those around  us and to the needs of the situation, and we fluidly adapt to what is needed-in other words, we are in the flow. We can be thoughtful, funny, or self-reflective, drawing on whatever capacity or skill we need at the moment.

From- Working with EI

Bossing around

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Well at times bosses do go on bossing around, without any rhyme and reason. They will start lecturing on what should or should not have been done in a situation, without asking if I did something. Today was one such day. A set of newspaper clippings was to be organized from a small town 1000 miles away. There was this guy we had tied up with earlier this year for such jobs, again my idea and initiative, but no credit, but he was not responding today. Aniways we knew it is not that urgent as it is being made out to be, no sky is going to fall. In some departments, like the one, where we had to send these clippings, where every junior officer thinks of himself as  god incarnate, and tries to earn brownie points with his seniors by pressurizing us minions. But our own boss goes out of the way to impress them, so we are left with no help. Okay, so boss who was bunking almost the whole day, calls up in evening and starts lecturing why clippings were not arranged. I tried to explain how we tried different sources, but he was not ready to listen. Neither did he ask his favourite executive in department, who is senior to me, to take care of the job. When it comes to facilities, perks, trainings, tours, exposure, seminars, conferences, committees, he is the favourite, but when it comes to shitty jobs, I am the chosen one. So I was given a piece of boss’s mind, without ever given a hearing to what all I tried. I WILL TRY THAT I DON’T DO IT TO MY JUNIORS.

Another incident that happened today was a junior coming to me and reviving my faith in giving credit to team. Though she is very conscious, touchy and all, but she came out from boss’s room and told me, sir, boss liked the photo we got edited last week, and was appreciating the agency. But I told boss that it was your idea and not agency’s idea to redo the photo. I was not expecting this maturity and broad heart from her, I would have imagined that she would have gladly accepted the praise, without ever mentioning my name. But she did and pleasantly surprised me. That she came out and told me, and I believed her also speaks of trust in our relationship. So I am tempted to consider my self a better boss to my juniors, than my boss is to me. This junior can sit idle for long hours without feeling any repentance, which I find strange, but then she works sincerely when required, is obedient, cooperative and cheerful. So I rate her better than juniors who do insubordination, are two-faced and dishonest.

Another colleague who had expressed his desire to sit away from me, as I keep reminding him of jobs to do, was taken aback today, when I taunted that I will remind him weekly since he does not like my daily reminders. Well that was my midway solution and also I wanted him to know that I know what he said about me to others. He today tried to reconsider his decision of seat change, discussed with others and me too. So tactic worked, though this time I insisted that he sits away because I am not very keen on sitting with him specially if he was not happy with it. He also tried to patch up with me by showing some soft-porn cartoon, ultimate in male bonding, and offering to give some movies in pen drive.

Such are the ways of the world.

 

 

Just-say-no by Daniel Goleman

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Six friends, all in college, were drinking and playing cards late into the night when an argument broke out. Mack and Ted’s disagreement got louder and angrier until Mack flew into a rage, yelling and screaming-at which point Ted became noticeably cool and reserved. But Mack’s temper was now out of control, he stood up and challenged Ted to a fight. Ted responded to Mack’s goading very calmly, saying he would consider fighting Mack, but only if they finished playing the card game.

Mack, though boiling with rage, agreed. During the several minutes it took to play out the game, everyone else took Ted’s lead and finished the game as though nothing had happened. This gave Mack time to settle down and collect his thoughts. At the end of the hand Ted calmly told Mack- Now if you would like to discuss this further, I will step outside.  But Mack, who by now had had time to quiet down and think things over, apologised for his temper, and there was no fight.

They met again 20 years later, at their school reunion. Ted had a successful career in commercial real estate, while Mack was out of work and struggling with drugs and alcohol.

The contrast between Mack and Ted is telling testimony of the benefits of being able to say no to impulse.

From- Working with EI

Self-awareness for stress management by Daniel Goleman

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The more accurately we can monitor our emotional upsets, the sooner we can recover from distress. Consider an experiment in which people watch a graphic anti-drunk-driving film depicting bloody auto accidents. During half hour after the film, viewers report feeling distressed and depressed, with their thoughts repeatedly going back to the troubling scenes they saw. The quickest to recover are those with the greatest clarity about their feelings. Emotional clarity enables us to manage bad moods.

..Even when people seem unflappable, if they are actually seething inside, they still need to handle their troubled feelings. Some cultures, like in Asia, encourage this pattern of masking negative feelings. While this may keep relationships tranquil, it can have a cost to the individual…Imploding is the problem here.

Emotional implosion has several drawbacks-Imploders often fail to take any action to better their situation. They may not show outward signs of an emotional hijack, but they suffer the internal fallout anyway. Headaches, edginess, smoking, and drinking too much, sleeplessness, endless self-criticism, And they have the same health risks as those who explode, and so need to learn to manage their own reactions to distress.

From- WOrking with EMotional Intelligence 

 

My confusion

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Happy told me today that big boss asked him to do some new things in the company magazine. Now happy is part of my team, so i felt bad.

Why did boss not tell me about the new things. Then I recalled happy is boss’s advisor so boss can do that. Besides I myself ask happy to take care of many things about magazine with boss, so boss is right in talking directly to happy. But still i felt bad.

One reason could be that the change boss wanted was earlier suggested by my immediate senior to me. I rejected the idea as unpractical. It seems this person went to boss and convinced him to implement the idea. And it came to me through my junior. I was pissed off.

I was so angry today that I felt like telling that my name should be removed from the editorial team. I will keep on doing the work but my name won’t be there. But then I thought I will be dubbed as a cry baby who is making mountain out of a molehill.

Then I thought of sabotaging the idea. But this will spoil my improving relations with immediate boss, if this is his backstage management. Besides boss did not ask me to do this. Happy will also be in trouble just because he shared with me.

I am so bloody confused. How do I stop boss from ignoring me and giving job to my juniors directly. Maybe by trying to get more involved and not delegating all tasks to juniors.

Moreover I and happy are not really in favour of the idea also. Let us see how this develops. The way things are going I might have to swallow my pride and do what the boss wants.

Another incident happened today. A media team was to come visit CEO. Boss did not tell me, he told happy. Again the boss seems to be ignoring me, but then again I convinced myself that boss did this because happy is advisor and also boss wanted happy to escort them up and did not want to send me, a senior, to go and escort them. Am i fooling myself nicely? It seems I am.

Such is working life.

Confusing Bosses

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This has happened to me many a times and this week this happened with another colleague of mine. He had got some design approved by our boss 2 months ago. The design was approved verbally, so there was no proof as such, but normally that is how it is. On the basis of that approval, the agency made several pages running into hundreds. And suddenly one day this week, the boss while reviewing the final version said she does not like the design. When colleague politely submitted that he had got it approved. Boss did not budge. We were discussing later how such a situation arises many times between boss and junior. I think this must be happening to many of you too. The net result always seems to be cliched-boss is always right. You end up adjusting to this but you do get demotivated.

At times, seniors will thoroughly check the final version and once there is any lapse they will say, I just had a look, you were supposed to check in detail. But if things are smooth, they will run to grab the credit. I do agree that senior/boss is not supposed to check and micro manage but then what is the point of checking. However you can’t say that to their face.

My ex-boss was showing some media queries to CEO. An earlier draft of these replies was shown to CEO by my present boss. In both the cases drafts had been made by me. When boss came back after meeting CEO, he told me-Did you not check the replies thoroughly, CEO wants the replies in a different manner. Here again, boss had checked and edited the replies but I could not say that. Aniways there was no factual error, but CEO wanted some additional figures to be given. I added, boss checked and gave to CEO office and left for the day. My ex-boss who is in CEO office again got some changes done and showed it to CEO. He came out with minor changes and asked- How does CEO know that you made the earlier replies. I was taken aback. I guessed and told- there were some data missing in earlier replies so when boss showed to CEO and CEO pointed out, boss might have   mentioned my name that he erred, to put blame on me. Ex-boss, who is otherwise very anti-present-boss and politicking always suddenly jumped to his side and said- No no, your present boss is not like this, he will not backbite, he might have mentioned in passing. Even I was surprized as at CEO level, bosses can not shirk responsibility by taking junior’s name. So here also boss and ex-boss confused me. I did not pester ex-boss much as to how CEO told my name in what context. Because this ex-boss has this habit of using CEO name to motivate me. After a while when I got to know of his lies, this trick stopped working for me though.

Coming back to present boss, for last 2-3 days, he has been very temperamental. Normally he is very kool and chilled-out. But day before, he shouted at me for a small thing, and repeated the same thing yesterday and today also. And you know I don’t like shouting bosses and people. Let us see if he makes it a habit.

This is the same boss who downgraded my appraisal rating and gave my happy friend (only person in department with whose better rating I was rather happy not hurt, though last time both of us got best and equal rating. ) better rating than me.  Then he asked me to sit till 9 pm to give a reply. How can be bosses so careless and demanding if they don’t think you are best quality material. So I tried to think of many reasons why I was given lower rating and one reason I could think of was boss wanted to empower women, and encourage youngsters. But then boss should expect and ask more from the best performers, specially the monotonous and overtime, late-sitting jobs. Maybe I am at fault somewhere, as I don’t crib and shout as others do. When will I Learn? Moreover, I am now taking extra precaution with my happy friend that she should not feel I am upset because she got better rating. I am not upset with her rating, I am upset with mine, and there is a difference. But as I told her I am careful as I am caring towards her. I don’t want her to think even for a second that I am envious or jealous or angry with her, which I am not. Hope I succeed.