Mood is a strange animal, very difficult to control. One day it is on, one day it is off. At times I know the reason of my mood swing, and at times I don’t. Now I can’t blame it on hormones, or can I. Then mood can be interpreted as nothing but a state of mind, which also affects other organs of the body resulting in fast heartbeat, headache and what not.
But for every person, reasons for mood getting off-track are different. Thanks to Daniel Goleman, M. Scott Peck and Dale Carnegies of the world, I am trying to understand the working of my mind these days, and so trying to guess reason of my off mood today on this fine Sunday.
Two things really I could pin down on.
One is the fear of an important person being angry with me. Actually this person if the spouse of a big shot in our company. I was asked to assist them in a printing job, which I did last year also. But this time I could not give full time to it, and had to rely on another person who is formally the editor, and it seems this editor backbited and sullied my image. I don’t have any confirmation yet, just hunch because I was not called to their last meeting. So I am feeling cheated. Seeing in a big perspective, after 3-4 years, these things won’t matter, but then why is my mood off. Actually there is a function to formally launch the publication next week, and I am not sure I will be invited or not, and if invited I should go or not. Besides, another reason for that spouse being upset is that last year I made my spouse a member of their club, and told the friend who mediated, that why my spouse was not called for their get togethers. It seems this cunning, conniving friend might have complicated the things by passing on the things with spice to big shot spouse. Again this also is a hunch. What I could read from this situation is more than the loss of face, what worries me is the choice dilemma-I go or not go, I take interest or not. So Choice or decision, that too associated with a tricky situation upsets my mood.
I told you about a junior of mine, who was not very keen on coming to work on weekends even for an urgent job. Now the confusion, whether I tell her about how angry I was with her attitude, is again perturbing me. So here again the choice is making me upset, not the act itself.
I was thinking of telling another junior also about two of his lapses. Till the time I was thinking, I was not okay. But when I told him, that issue is out of my mind now. There was other issue also, but there I came to a different decision, and that also led to peace of mind.
Life is really simple, if you make it so.