I think of myself as a cool, chilled-out person, who is happy-go-lucky, and does not bother about small things in life, as Richard Carlson said- Don’t sweat the small stuff in life.

But when I introspect, I find myself brooding over lot of insignificant things. Day before yesterday only, boss asked three of us to go for gate-keeping duty (read protocol) to a function where CEO was going. This is to coordinate the crowd-feedback, when CEO should come, do recee of way to venue, warm up front-rwo seats for him and so on. Now there are people who love these kind of jobs, but I am not that sort. But PR has its professional hazards. Aniways there are people who go for bootlicking, brownie points and for free cocktails. None of these holds appeal for me. So boss asked any two of us to go, so I excused myself, and let other two go. Next day a photographer mailed pix of the event to our common department email id. There the two guys were there with our boss and CEO, all smiles. This pinched a bit. Now knowing the background, I had the choice to go, I did not, but when this pix came, I got envious, though I claim to be not interested in seen around CEO. I confuse myself at times.

Then boss sent a colleague for a training and I noticed that it is 3rd training in a year he has been sent to. I made a noise about it today behind boss’s back. But later I thought and found that boss had asked me to go on another training but I had refused. He had sent to to another programme when he had to go out of town at the last minute. I was thinking of it as a give-away, but to think of it, boss could have sent anybody else in his place, but he did send me. Boss also sent us to other seminars. So I was not entirely right in making a noise about it.

Then I have noticed for last 2 weeks that since I am taking extra care to not let get happy the impression that I am envious of her higher ranking, I expect extra care on her part too. If she says things like you would be next advisor, you are more close to boss, did you tell boss already (credit-grabbing allegation on me), i know how to manage bosses, i get upset.

So whatever emotional intelligence capabilities I may be sharing and claiming to have, I do behave with narrow-mindedness at times, and I need to correct it. I can share it and think it in writing here because of anonymity, and maybe I get some advise and I am told that I am not the only one behaving in this manner.


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