Human mind is strange. I shared in one previous post that I have been assessed and my rank downgraded from excellent (E) to high (H). I pretended even to myself that I have been able to take it in my stride and am kool and okay with it. I asked the boss about reasons and what I could do to improve myself, but was brushed off politely saying u r good, this happens, will discuss sometime, which I am sure will never come.
Right so things must go on, but reality is not so. Now whenever boss goes away after office time and asks me to sit and wait for some important task, my heart burns. Whenever there is a holiday or weekend and I am asked to do some office work, I feel like reacting but I stop myself. Whenever boss attempts to praise me I get edgy and reply back harshly. When other colleagues leave at 5-30 and I am expected to work overtime, I feel frustrated. Whenever I am admonished for small lapses of my team, I feel my blood boiling. But non-assertive me, always keeps quite. But internally I know all this is the result of E to H downgrading. I am still not able to digest it well. Though objectively the new boss is well within his rights to assess me as he wishes, but still downgrade is not easy to take.
Another problem I am facing with this boss that demotivates me is that he interacts directly with my reportees, gives them tasks without telling me, monitors those tasks directly, but when something gets delayed, I am expected to take care of this. I am not saying that he can’t interact with the millennials, as HOD he has right to do so. But then if they don’t act or respect me, he is to blame, as boss has given them undue weightage, and they think nothing of me in front of boss. Now they also don’t mind directly interacting with boss, without keeping me in the loop. I try to act kool, but I don’t like this.
Then there is this ex-boss, who keeps digging holes for the present boss and expects me to help him, which I don’t, as I owe my loyalty to organisation not bosses. Yesterday only he sent some unit press release to boss. Boss called me and asked to mail to media. I edited it and sent some pix of CEO to media. Now this ex-boss calls me and starts giving lecture, why you did not research, why you did not talk to me, why you did not do this and that. I kept silent, he got the message and said take care in future. Same day earlier he called me and asked to arrange a car for a journo. Now he is ex-boss and I have to act with orders of present boss. So I asked how do I do it, he shouted that is your problem. I am literally screwed from both sides. God knows when I will be out of this grinding mill.
But all this frustrates and irritates me no end.