I have many weaknesses, and not being assertive is one of them. That’s me what to do.
Peers who are junior to me get separate cabins, i get a cubicle
they get direct phones, i get intercom
they get special trainings, i get firings
they get coveted roles, i get rejected roles
they get thousands of reportees, i get snorties
they get to leave at 5, i have to stay back everyday to jive
The list is endless
But then inspite of all my efforts, I can not assert myself. I tend or pretend to believe in Krishna‘s philosophy that you came into the world empty-handed and you will leave the world empty-handed. But that is a utopian state of mind, which I claim I have but in reality i don’t. Coz if i had that state of mind, I won’t be writing this blog, or listing these pet peeves. Such things irritate me, annoy me, disturb me, but yes for a while. I come to terms with these things very soon.
However recently I have noticed that my happy-go-lucky attitude leads to my seniors taking me for granted. They think I am not affected by these nitty-gritties. Ideally I would like to reach a mental state where these things really don’t affect me, but fact is that they do. Of course I believe not to the extent these affect others. That much mental peace I do have. I normally think that i should fight for my rights, but i don’t find these things worth fighting for. However this recent phenomenon of me being neglected or ignored is really getting my goat.
I now feel that while I am in corporate world, I better get used to the ways of corporate world. But till now I have not succeeded in doing that.
As I see it, there can be only few possibilities.
1-I reach ideal peaceful state of mind where these things don’t bother me and i go with the flow. (my non-assertive nature kicking in)
2-I convince myself that these things are important enough for me and fight with bosses or at least ask for these things. Because as they say, without the baby crying, even mother does not give milk to him. ( I will have to lie to myself that these things are important enough in my life to fight for. But If I don’t do this, i will never move on to becoming assertive.)
3-I accept myself as it is, and let such petty (here I go again being confused or biased) things bother me a little, and i let myself be disturbed for a while and then adjusting to the scenario. (But then I am not doing justice to my existence as a corporate manager. If I don’t fight for my seemingly justifiable rights, even if I am confused, how will I fight for my team. And if I don’t let my place in the system be strong enough that I am not neglected or ignored, how I can I ensure normal career growth for myself. Because that is why I work hard, right. And not being assertive and working hard does not seem to be gelling.)
Confusion continues. Will share more if i get any clarity.
By the way, I have a very dear colleague in office whom I think of as a younger sister I never had. ( I know, I know, one should not start making relations at workplace, but she makes me miss not having a sister in this life. Now why her only, and why sisterly feelings only, even I don’t know. That is that.) She is very assertive and intelligent and ambitious, and I am trying to learn assertiveness from her in bits & pieces.